


“this is why we can’t have nice things” - an ancient proverb by horibe itona

by Lee420



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: + hara n takebayashi, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Gen, Terasaka Gang, anyways the information that the tgang canonically has a group chat lives in my mind rent free, i dont even know what this is like i made it @ 3am bc i was bored n couldnt sleep, ig it counts as that huh skjdkwkd, so i added hara n takebayashi bc why not, so im incredibly sorry in advance jsfjskw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:33:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28842444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lee420/pseuds/Lee420
Summary: Thursday, 05:57killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3amlying on a rock in the sun…...now thats the good stuff[loofah]what are u a lizard?[killua kinnie]what are u a cop??? mind ur damn business
Relationships: Hazama Kirara & Horibe Itona & Muramatsu Takuya & Terasaka Ryouma & Yoshida Taisei
Comments: 26
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> uh hi decided to write a chatfic at like 3am both bc i was bored n to Cope with literally everything. will i make more chapters only time will tell also can u tell im very easily amused hsfjsksk
> 
> uhhh username guide if u need it:  
> dumpling nose - terasaka (literally just based on that one panel where itona calls his nose “dumpling like” skdjskd)  
> killua kinnie - itona (i havent even watched hxh i just know ppl compare the 2 a lot)  
> edgar allen poe - hazama  
> yo-yo man - yoshida  
> loofah - muramatsu  
> Team Mom - hara  
> old taco - takebayashi

**_Wednesday, 21:35_**

**_dumpling nose → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

**[dumpling nose]**

i fucking hate mario

fucking stupid red mustache man i HATE HIM

and his fuckign stupid voice and smug smile fucking eat SHIT you italian asswipe 

“YAHOO” STFU IM GONNA STRAIN U LIKE THE SPAGHETTI U EAT SO MUCH

**[old taco]**

Are you okay

**[dumpling nose]**

do i fucking LOOK ok?????? do i do i do i?????

**[yo-yo man]**

??????? dude chill u only lost like 3 games its not a big deal

**[dumpling nose]**

SO???

I LOS T TO THAT BITCH EACH TIME I H A T E HIM

**[yo-yo man]**

WELL MAYBE YOURE JUST BAD AT THE GAME

**[dumpling nose]**

INHALE

**[killua kinnie]**

oh boy here we go

this is why we cant have nice things

**[dumpling nose]**

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and Ive been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and Im the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. Youre fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and thats just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldnt, you didn't, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

**[yo-yo man]**

ONE WHY DO U HAVE THAT MEMORIZED

TWO ITS JUST A GAME

**[dumpling nose]**

N O

ITS NEVE R JUST A GAME YOSHIDA

**[yo-yo man]**

IT LITERALLY IS CALM D O WN

**[edgar allen poe]**

hi what the fuck is going on

**[dumpling nose]**

why dont you ask fucken MARIO over there huh

**[yo-yo man]**

oh my god 

i cannot BELIEVE 

IM NOT EVEN MARIO!!!! I MAIN YOSHI EVERYONE KNOWS THAT

HATE MARIO ALL U WANT BUT DONT DRAG ME JNTO THIS

**[dumpling nose]**

WHATEVER WHATEVER YOURE STILL IN FIRST PLACE

**[edgar allen poe]**

that quite literally does the opposite of answering my question

**[loofah]**

2 words

mario kart

**[edgar allen poe]**

honestly that just raises more questions. why are you playing mario kart?? on a wednesday night??

**[loofah]**

well we were supposed to be having a boys night. yk. just guys bein dudes and playing mario kart

but like itona said

we can never have nice things 

**[dumpling nose]**

its not my fault he’s HACKING 

**[yo-yo man]**

I AM NOT

IM JUST GOOD AT MARIO KART

**[dumpling nose]**

BULLSHIT!!!!

i cant even LOOK at u rn

**[killua kinnie]**

it always ends this way

**[edgar allen poe]**

wow. 

like i’m not surprised in the slightest but Wow

**[killua kinnie]**

yoshida always wins, i always come second, muramatsu comes like seventh usually, n terasaka over there comes dead last

**[old taco]**

Is that why they’re texting despite presumably being in the same room?

**[killua kinnie]**

yea ig. that and theyre just Like That

**[dumpling nose]**

SHUT!!!!!!!

**[old taco]**

Well uh

Can 

Can I join

**[loofah]**

ofc dude

**[dumpling nose]**

FUCK YEA IF U CAN TAKE DOWN THIS RED ITALIAN FUCKER

**[killua kinnie]**

yea

we’re at muramatsu’s house (free ramen)

**[loofah]**

is that all i am to u

**[killua kinnie]**

yes.

**[yo-yo man]**

yes pls come over then maybe He will calm down

**[old taco]**

Thank you

**[edgar allen poe]**

disgusting. go be happy somewhere else

**[loofah]**

youre free to join us as well if u want

**[edgar allen poe]**

i’m already on my way

**[dumpling nose]**

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE

**[edgar allen poe]**

what now?

**[dumpling nose]**

HE FUCKING BLUE SHELLED ME THATS WHAT

AT LEAST I KNO WHY MARIO IS A PLUMBER NOW

BC HES A PIECE OF S H I T

**[killua kinnie]**

actually that was me

**[dumpling nose]**

son why. i didnt raise u this way

**[killua kinnie]**

youre not my dad!!!! uglyass fuckin

noodle head

**[dumpling nose]**

im being bullied in my own fuckign gang i cant believe this

**[yo-yo man]**

hold up i thought hazama was the leader??????

**[dumpling nose]**

thats it i want a divorce 

**[yo-yo man]**

WH

WE’RE NOT MARRIED???

**[dumpling nose]**

AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT

**[loofah]**

stop arguing in front of the baby :(

**[dumpling nose]**

wh

what baby??????????

**[killua kinnie]**

me duh

**[yo-yo man]**

what do u MEAN whose fault is that??????? u never proposed so how was i ever supposed to know dont blame me for ur incompetence 

**[dumpling nose]**

OK FINE

yoshida taisei will u marry me

**[killua kinnie]**

well that escalated quickly 

**[yo-yo man]**

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

**[edgar allen poe]**

every time i look at this chat it’s like a new episode of some soap opera

**[loofah]**

u watch soap operas??

**[edgar allen poe]**

i LITERALLY didn’t say that

fix your reading comprehension 

**[loofah]**

damn ok :/ its called “subtext”

**[killua kinnie]**

subtext isn’t a thing dude

**[loofah]**

HELLO???

**[old taco]**

I imagine unmuting this chat is similar to walking in on the jester performing in the king’s court

Or a clown juggling on a unicycle before crashing into a stack of dynamite and dying

It varies

**[killua kinnie]**

takebayashi i mean this in the nicest way possible

but u, someone who watches anime and uses reddit unironically, have no right to call us clowns

**[old taco]**

…

**[loofah]**

he got u there 

**[dumpling nose]**

noah fence but can u all shut the fuck up im trying to propose here 

**[loofah]**

sowwy (different way of saying sorry)

**[dumpling nose]**

im gonna use u as target practice 

**[loofah]**

(´⊙ω⊙`)

**[dumpling nose]**

STOP

**[edgar allen poe]**

wow so much for freedom of speech (ㆀ˘･з･˘)

**[killua kinnie]**

lich ra ly (~_~;)

**[old taco]**

Tewasaka the tywant stwikes again Σ（ﾟдﾟlll）

**[dumpling nose]**

WHATEVER 

_@yo-yo man_

_@yo-yo man_ ANSWER ME I CAN SEE U ON UR PHONE

_@yo-yo man_

**[killua kinnie]**

youre so desperate…...its kind of sad

**[dumpling nose]**

shut it

_@yo-yo man_ MARRY ME SO I CAN DIVORCE U

**[loofah]**

:/ fucked up

**[yo-yo man]**

idk i dont want to marry someone who doesnt love me yk? like thats a big commitment 

**[old taco]**

All of this over Mario Kart…..

**[edgar allen poe]**

this is pretty typical for them to be fair

**[yo-yo man]**

besides u dont close the toilet lid after u go. and u snore. and u drink straight from the milk carton. and u dont replace the toilet paper after u finish it. and u eat blocks of butter like theyre brownies

basically youre insane n i just dont need that kind of negativity in my life :/

**[dumpling nose]**

UNPROVOKED????

**[killua kinnie]**

imean he has a point i wouldnt marry u either

**[edgar allen poe]**

rt

**[loofah]**

rt

**[old taco]**

rt

**[dumpling nose]**

WHAT THE HELL

WHATEVER i didnt want to marry u anyway

**[edgar allen poe]**

you really don’t seem sure about that

**[loofah]**

id marry yoshida over terasaka tbh

**[killua kinnie]**

no one asked but thanks for ur input ig

**[yo-yo man]**

ty muramatsu 

do u want to get married?

**[loofah]**

sure why not we’re basically married already

**[yo-yo man]**

epic 

ヽ(*＾ω＾*)ﾉ

**[loofah]**

╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

wait do u want a winter or summer wedding

**[yo-yo man]**

uhhhhhh summer 

bc our birthdays are in summer

**[dumpling nose]**

what the fuck

**[edgar allen poe]**

well all right then

i can officiate if you want

**[dumpling nose]**

what the fuck

**[yo-yo man]**

ty

terasaka u can be the best man

**[dumpling nose]**

what the fuck

**[killua kinnie]**

the fuck am i then

**[loofah]**

idk the flower girl

**[killua kinnie]**

i’ll take it

**[dumpling nose]**

what the fuck

**[old taco]**

I’ll be the ring bearer 

**[yo-yo man]**

thanks takebayashi ur a real one

**[dumpling nose]**

what the fuck

**[yo-yo man]**

is there a fucking problem officer 

**[dumpling nose]**

WHY ARE U MARRYING HIM BUT NOT ME????? HE SNORES TOO

HE SLEEP TALKS

AND HIS SNEEZES ARE REALLY LOUD

HOW IS THAT ANY BETTER THAN ME????

**[killua kinnie]**

help

**[loofah]**

well that was just uncalled for :(

**[edgar allen poe]**

this is terasaka’s villain origin story

he wanted yoshida to marry him so he could divorce him but was rejected and now yoshida’s marrying muramatsu 

just like every greek tragedy…….

**[yo-yo man]**

his cooking is way better than yours

thats all

ALSO u wanted to marry me SO U COULD DIVORCE ME

obviously im not gonna agree to that

**[dumpling nose]**

WHATEVER have ur stupid wedding mario kart is a stupid game anyway 

**[Team Mom]**

I unmute the chat to this…

Okay that’s enough mario kart for tonight I think. 

**[loofah]**

wait can we have the wedding first

**[Team Mom]**

You know what sure

I’ll walk Yoshida down the aisle 

**[killua kinnie]**

omg this is my first wedding im so excited 

**[yo-yo man]**

_@edgar allen poe_

_@edgar allen poe_

_@edgar allen poe_

**[edgar allen poe]**

okay hang on

*clears throat*

dearly bruhloved, we are swaggered here today to join these two bros in holy matrihomie,

**[killua kinnie]**

terasaka are u crying

**[dumpling nose]**

SHUT UP SHUT UP I ALWAYS GET TEARY EYED AT WEDDINGS

**[edgar allen poe]**

do you, yoshida taisei, take this man, muramatsu takuya, to be your lawfully wedded bro? through sickness and health? good times and bad?

**[yo-yo man]**

i do ( ˘ω˘ )

**[edgar allen poe]**

and do you, muramatsu takuya, take this man, yoshida taisei, to be your lawfully wedded bro? through sickness and health? good times and bad?

**[loofah]**

i do ( ^ω^ )

**[edgar allen poe]**

then i now pronounce you, mechanic and chef

**[killua kinnie]**

*throws confetti*

**[edgar allen poe]**

you may now fist bump the bro 

**[yo-yo man]**

🤜 

**[loofah]**

🤛 

**[killua kinnie]**

*applause* 

love is real…...

**[old taco]**

That was beautiful. I have faith in humanity again

**[Team Mom]**

I can only hope my wedding will be as nice as this

**[dumpling nose]**

whatever 

**[Team Mom]**

Now go to sleep!! We have school tomorrow 

**[dumpling nose]**

no

**[Team Mom]**

Then become the dirt I walk on ^_^

**[dumpling nose]**

wH

**_Team Mom has muted the chat for 8 hours_ **

**_Thursday, 05:57_ **

**_killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

lying on a rock in the sun…...now thats the good stuff

**[loofah]**

what are u a lizard?

**[killua kinnie]**

what are u a cop??? mind ur damn business

**_Thursday, 08:34_ **

**_old taco_** **_→ me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_**

Stepped in a puddle on the way to school 

My whole foot is now wet and cold

I am a snail and God is salting me

**[dumpling nose]**

i’ll beat up that puddle for u

**[old taco]**

I appreciate it but I don’t think that’s possible

**[dumpling nose]**

fucking watch me

**_Thursday, 15:27_ **

**_loofah → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

not 2 beat a dead horse but speaking of stuff being wet. water is wet

**[killua kinnie]**

youre insane. 

**[loofah]**

HUH???????

**[killua kinnie]**

u heard me

ur sick in the head for even THINKING that

**[dumpling nose]**

he’s right tho????????? what r u on about 

**[old taco]**

Natural selection in action.

**[dumpling nose]**

????? WATER IS WATER

OBVIOUSLY ITS WET

**[loofah]**

YES THANK U

**[edgar allen poe]**

you two wonder why your grades are so low

**[yo-yo man]**

guys guys guys. wet is like a state of being

its what happens when smth comes into contact with water 

but bc water cant come into contact with itself it cant be wet

**[loofah]**

et tu yoshida?

**[dumpling nose]**

LISTEN

IN ORDER FOR WATER TO GET STUFF WET. WATER ITSELF HAS TO BE WET

THATS JUST HOW IT WORKS

**[edgar allen poe]**

terasaka stop abusing the caps lock challenge

seriously how can someone be so noisy over text

**[old taco]**

While we’re on this topic, it’s yanny

**[dumpling nose]**

ITS LITERALLY LAUREL IM GONNA SCREAM

**[killua kinnie]**

i hate to agree with t*ras*ka but yeah wtf takebayashi 

**[edgar allen poe]**

everyday this chat takes years off my life

**_Thursday, 17:07_ **

**_edgar allen poe → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

normalize dropping the kinlist

**[loofah]**

gene the emoji

**[dumpling nose]**

pete from mickey mouse

**[killua kinnie]**

diego ice age

**[old taco]**

Adam Flayman

**[yo-yo man]**

purple teletubbie

**[Team Mom]**

Cooking Mama

**[edgar allen poe]**

i take it back

**_Thursday, 19:45_ **

**_loofah → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

pov ur me 

**[killua kinnie]**

this is already off to a nightmarish start

**[loofah]**

hey itona? take ur sass and put it in ur pocket

anyway as i was saying before i was rudely interrupted 

pov: ur me. ur thirsty. so u go to the kitchen to get a juice box. u grab a box of apple juice, ur favorite, but when u go to unwrap the straw so u can open it u realize theres no straw. so u go n get a knife to cut open the juice box, resulting in u getting apple juice all over ur hands + the counter and by the time u finally manage to get ur juice in a glass theres literally only a few drops left. that was the last box of fruit juice left. u cry. the end

**[killua kinnie]**

im sorry i find that really funny

but sad for u

**[yo-yo man]**

holy shit are u ok????

**[loofah]**

my life is a never ending cycle of pain and suffering

**[edgar allen poe]**

muramatsu takuya word of the day: agony

**_Thursday, 21:59_ **

**_edgar allen poe → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

when i was

a young boy

my father

**[loofah]**

ATE AN ENTIRE FUCKING LEMON HE DIDNT SQUEEZE IT OUT ONTO ANYTHING HE DIDNT CUT IT INTO PIECES HE DIDNT EVEN SKIN IT HE JUST STUFFED THE ENTIRE LEMON INTO HIS MOUTH N SWALLOWED I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING MORE HORRIBLE IN MY LIFE

**[edgar allen poe]**

to see a marching band

**_Friday, 02:09_ **

**_yo-yo man → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

just drank my fifth monster energy i genuinely think i could take out god rn 

feeling power i havent felt since i ate a family sized bag of cool ranch doritos in one sitting

**[edgar allen poe]**

its 2am why are you awake

**[yo-yo man]**

why r u??? check and mate

**[edgar allen poe]**

reading my book obviously 

its a horror novel. the protagonist’s family was just possessed by this doll. it’s okay but not groundbreaking. sort of cliche 

**[yo-yo man]**

HOW can u read that at night id die

**[edgar allen poe]**

sounds like a you problem 

now go to sleep

**[yo-yo man]**

u go to sleep

**[edgar allen poe]**

ok how about this: we both go to sleep

**[yo-yo man]**

k sounds legit 

**_Friday, 04:47_ **

**_edgar allen poe → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

gottem

**_Friday, 17:38_ **

**_dumpling nose → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

_[attached_img7635.jpg]_

local loser falls asleep at karaoke 

**[killua kinnie]**

WHY WOULD U SEND THAT

YOURE INSANE

**[dumpling nose]**

:)

**[Team Mom]**

Aww he looks so peaceful!!

**[loofah]**

im surprised u could sleep through terasakas singing tbh

**[dumpling nose]**

oh fuck off like youre any better

**[killua kinnie]**

i mean ive had a lot of experience ignoring him so

**[dumpling nose]**

RUDE??????? see if i invite u ever again

**[yo-yo man]**

_[attached_vid1345.mov]_

live footage of terasaka singing taylor swift

**[dumpling nose]**

WHAT THE HELL WHY WOULD U RECORD THAT

watchmojo top 10 anime betrayals

**[killua kinnie]**

HA

wait im actually sad i slept through that now

**[yo-yo man]**

pls dont be i dont think my eardrums will ever recover 

**[old taco]**

The voice cracks……….

**[edgar allen poe]**

the way he just forgets the lyrics halfway through and starts yelling nonsense…...

**[Team Mom]**

I don’t think this is what Bitch-sensei meant when she told us to practice our English…...

**[dumpling nose]**

i hate this fucking family.

**_Friday, 20:44_ **

**_loofah → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

just saw someone call soup a drink dhmu

**[killua kinnie]**

theyre right.

**[loofah]**

dont even go there

**[dumpling nose]**

???????????? it technically IS a drink tho 

like its a liquid

u drink it

its a drink 

stew as well

**[yo-yo man]**

soup n stew are NOT drinks thats disgusting. ur disgusting 

**[loofah]**

thank u yoshida 

**[dumpling nose]**

U CAN HAVE THEM IN A CUP

U SWALLOW THEM WITHOUT CHEWING

THEYRE LIQUID

THEYRE D R INKS

**[yo-yo man]**

are u swallowing stew without chewing

**[dumpling nose]**

I MEAN THE BROTH OBVIOUSLY 

but im sure i could swallow the chunks whole if i tried 

**[killua kinnie]**

well if we’re bringing broths into it does that make ramen a drink?

**[dumpling nose]**

YEAG

YEAH

**[loofah]**

NO???????? NO NO NO NO NO THATS WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS

AND WE DONT SAY WE *DRINK* SOUP DO WE

WE *EAT* IT

ITS A *MEAL*

**[killua kinnie]**

just bc it sounds wrong doesnt make it inaccurate 

**[loofah]**

what.

**[dumpling nose]**

EXACTLY

**[killua kinnie]**

im gonna go drink some miso soup

see it sounds fine

**[loofah]**

no

no no no no no no no no

if u ever said that to me irl i think id have to be physically restrained from punting u

**[edgar allen poe]**

well it’s like sauce right?

**[loofah]**

where in the cinnamon toast fuck did u get sauce from

**[edgar allen poe]**

and sauce definitely isn’t a drink

i don’t know i just thought it was relevant 

**[dumpling nose]**

NO

SAUCE IS SUPPOSED TO BE HAD ON SMTH ELSE

U CANT HAVE IT ALONE

HOWEVER SOUP IS HAD ON ITS OWN

AND THUS

IS A DRINK

**[yo-yo man]**

i mean…….u can have sauce on its own

i get what ur trying to say but thats a very real option

like i watched karma chug a bottle of hot sauce the other day

**[dumpling nose]**

karma doesnt count he’s an anomaly to any study just by existing 

**[yo-yo man]**

damn ok just thought id give my input

**[loofah]**

IN CAFES AND RESTAURANTS SOUP IS CLASSED AS FOOD

NOWHERE ANYWHERE IS SOUP FOUND UNDER THE DRINK OPTIONS

SOUP. IS. NOT. A. DRINK

**[killua kinnie]**

…

what about stew

**[loofah]**

stew was never part of the original equation terasaka just added it

but NO stew is obviously not a drink im not arguing that

**[dumpling nose]**

tell me “muramatsu” what r ur thoughts on ice water

drink or not a drink?

**[loofah]**

drink duh?????? its water

**[dumpling nose]**

THEN SO IS STEW BY DEFAULT

**[loofah]**

WHAT

HOW DID U EVEN GET TO THAT CONCLUSION 

i didnt win young chef of the year 5 times in a row for this

**[dumpling nose]**

u say stew isnt a drink bc it has chunks in it yes? that u cant swallow w/o chewing?

**[loofah]**

yes.

**[yo-yo man]**

i can already see where this is going

i cant believe ur saying stew is a drink i feel physically sick

**[dumpling nose]**

THEN BY THAT LOGIC

ICE WATER CANT BE A DRINK 

BC IT ALSO HAS CHUNKS U CANT SWALLOW

**[killua kinnie]**

yk i hate to say it but he has a point

**[loofah]**

NO HE DOESNT

who says u cant swallow ice????? those tasty cubes slide down my slippery gullet like its nothing

**[edgar allen poe]**

never say that again. i could’ve gone my whole life without hearing the words “slippery gullet”

**[loofah]**

ANYWAY STEW IS FOOD

**[dumpling nose]**

curious abt ur opinions on smoothies and milkshakes. 

**[yo-yo man]**

why do i feel like this is the kickstarter to terasakas political career

**[dumpling nose]**

im putting it on my resume

ANYWAY SMOOTHIES MILKSHAKES N MANY MORE DRINKS ARE COMBOS OF FOODS

SO HOW IS STEW ANY DIFFERENT 

**[old taco]**

Sometimes opening this chat is like getting sucker punched in the face

**[loofah]**

THE EXAMPLES U GAVE ARE ALL FINELY BLENDED

THATS WHY THEYRE DRINKS

**[dumpling nose]**

U KNOW WHAT ELSE IS FINELY BLENDED???

S O U P

**[loofah]**

WH

I

WHATEVER THAT DOESNT MATTER SOUP AND STEW ARE NOT DRINKS

**[dumpling nose]**

U CAN ONLY DENY THE TRUTH SO LONG

**[edgar allen poe]**

_@Team Mom_ thoughts on this?

**[Team Mom]**

I’m not emotionally equipped to answer this question

**[edgar allen poe]**

fair enough have a nice day

**_Friday, 21:22_ **

**_killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

do u think reptiles use their shedded skin as like a hoodie or a onesie or something 

bc thats what i would do

i wanna be a lizard 

**[yo-yo man]**

are u ok

**[killua kinnie]**

no but thanks for checking in

**[old taco]**

“wants to be a lizard” LOL okay scalie

**[killua kinnie]**

ok guy who owns multiple anime body pillows

**[loofah]**

THE CLOWNS ARE FIGHTINGGGGG

**_Friday, 22:30_ **

**_Team Mom → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

Reminder that you don’t have to keep it all bottled in <3 it’s okay to let it out, so don’t forget to do that every so often (*^▽^*)

**[dumpling nose]**

is this abt farting or is that just me??

**[yo-yo man]**

obsessed w how u will just say anything

**[Team Mom]**

Literally why do I bother 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yk writing this is actually a p good stress reliever so i might update it more frequently we’ll see. also !!! thank u all for ur nice comments, i havent had the energy to reply to em but yea ty :]
> 
> uhh username guide if u need it:  
> dumpling nose - terasaka  
> killua kinnie - itona  
> edgar allen poe - hazama  
> yo-yo man - yoshida  
> loofah - muramatsu   
> Team Mom - hara  
> old taco - takebayashi

**_Saturday, 15:34_ **

**_yo-yo man → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

have u ever noticed that all odd numbers have an e in them?????? wild

one, three, five, seven, nine

n then every odd number after that is a variant of those

INSANE i tell u

**[dumpling nose]**

what abt eight?????? that has an e in it but its a pretty fuckin even number last time i checked

**[yo-yo man]**

well i was talking about odd numbers so idk why youd bring up an EVEN number in the first place

eight having an e in it is irrelevant bc its not an odd number n i was exclusively talking about ODD NUMBERS 

man.

**[loofah]**

thirty and fifty

**[yo-yo man]**

???? what about them

**[loofah]**

theyre odd. but they dont have an e in them

ur logic is flawed

**[old taco]**

...thirty and fifty aren’t odd numbers…

**[loofah]**

WAIT WHAT

HUH

**[yo-yo man]**

if numbers can be divided by two to get a whole number theyre even 

30/2 is 15

50/2 is 25

**[loofah]**

thats so fucked up

**[yo-yo man]**

ANYWAY my original point still stands 

**[dumpling nose]**

no wait what abt zero

**[old taco]**

Zero isn’t an odd number…

And if it was, it has an ‘e’ in it so why would you even bring it up?

**[dumpling nose]**

WELL ITS NOT FUCKING EVEN IS IT

**[yo-yo man]**

YEAH IT IS

how u got this far without knowing basic math i’ll never know 

**[loofah]**

but it cant be divided by 2??????????

**[yo-yo man]**

muramatsu.

muramatsu listen to me.

0/2 is 0

**[loofah]**

WHAT

THATS SO FUCKED UP

**[old taco]**

This is a mess.

**_Saturday, 16:13_ **

**_killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

found a fat fucking cat on my way to yoshida’s house

_ [attached_img3246.jpg] _

**[edgar allen poe]**

sir that is a raccoon

**[killua kinnie]**

im taking it with me

**[yo-yo man]**

no ur not put it back

if u show up at my front door with a racoon i think my mom might actually die

**[killua kinnie]**

:( i cant do anything in this house

**_Saturday, 17:33_ **

**_Team Mom → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

What are your favorite flavors of poptart? It’s for science (^-^)

**[edgar allen poe]**

i’ve never had a poptart

**[killua kinnie]**

neither have i

that i can remember anyways u_u

**[old taco]**

Same here...

**[Team Mom]**

I’m so sorry

I’ll bring some into school next week

**[loofah]**

i like the birthday cake flavor!! 

**[Team Mom]**

Oh good choice! 

**[dumpling nose]**

im sorry WHAT

**[loofah]**

??????? whats wrong now

**[dumpling nose]**

BIRTHDAY CAKE FLAVOR?????

**[Team Mom]**

Hm starting to regret asking

**[loofah]**

thats what i said yeah

**[yo-yo man]**

cant we have a moment of peace in this gc

**[dumpling nose]**

HOW THE F U CK DO U HAVE BIRTHDAY CAKE FLAVOR

BIRTHDAY CAKE CAN BE ANY FLAVOR

HOW DOES THAT WORK!!!!

**[loofah]**

????????????

THATS SUCH A WEIRD THING TO BE ANGRY ABOUT

whats wrong with u seriously 

**[dumpling nose]**

WHATEVER 

my favorite flavor is chocolate poptarts bc its a flavor that actually makes sense unlike muramatsu and his “birthday cake flavor”

**[yo-yo man]**

why do u have such strong opinions abt the flavors of poptarts

**[dumpling nose]**

tell me yoshida

whats ur favorite poptart flavor?

**[yo-yo man]**

i dont think i have to answer that question 

**[dumpling nose]**

i think u do

**[yo-yo man]**

no ^ - ^

**[loofah]**

he made me make him monster energy flavored poptart once n told me it was the best thing hes ever tasted

so

**[yo-yo man]**

MURAMATSU WHY

**[dumpling nose]**

IM SORRY WHAT

**[Team Mom]**

Dear lord

**[edgar allen poe]**

help me

**[dumpling nose]**

MONSTER ENGERY FLAVORED POPTART????????

WHAT IS WRONG WITH U

**[yo-yo man]**

shut up shut up u think stew and soup are drinks

u cant make fun of me for this

**[dumpling nose]**

BC THEY ARE????? we settled this

**[loofah]**

they r NOT dont bring that up again

**[killua kinnie]**

i feel like its important that u guys know he’s drinking monster energy right this moment

so im rlly not surprised 

**[yo-yo man]**

this is cyber bullying.

**[loofah]**

idk how u can drink that stuff so much like i tried it once n immediately felt like dying

**[yo-yo man]**

some of us are just built different

**[edgar allen poe]**

you do drink an excessive amount of it to be fair

**[yo-yo man]**

im a growing boy leave me alone

**[edgar allen poe]**

you won’t see adulthood.

**[dumpling nose]**

can we go back to how muramatsu made him a monster energy poptart i want to talk abt that a bit more

**[yo-yo man]**

no im not in the mood to b judged by u of all people

u eat raw tomatoes like theyre apples i rly dont wanna hear it

**[old taco]**

I once watched him eat an onion like that as well

**[killua kinnie]**

dont forget the whole eating blocks of butter like theyre brownies thing

**[loofah]**

he ate ramen with a straw once

**[dumpling nose]**

WTF

WHAT DID I DO TO U

**[edgar allen poe]**

you’re not denying it

**[dumpling nose]**

i mean yea i dont think its that bad idk why theyre making a big deal abt it

**[killua kinnie]**

u need to be contained.

**[dumpling nose]**

WHATEVER

**_Saturday, 19:47_ **

**_edgar allen poe → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

just spilled water on my book i’m so tired of fucking living 

**[loofah]**

whyd u do that

**[edgar allen poe]**

well i didn’t do it on purpose

**[killua kinnie]**

dw terasaka spilled beans on me once ur doing fine

**[dumpling nose]**

WTF THAT WAS MONTHS AGO

DROP IT ALREADY

**[edgar allen poe]**

okay excuse my french but

how the fuck did he spill beans on you. how does that happen

like i appreciate the sentiment but.

**[loofah]**

i dont think thats french

**[killua kinnie]**

well we were just chilling on his bed watching a movie + he was eating baked beans straight out of the can and then he spilled some on me

**[dumpling nose]**

he hissed at me like a fuckibg cat

**[loofah]**

everyday i learn more abt terasakas food crimes than i would like

eating beans STRAIGHT OUT OF THE CAN???

WHAT is wrong with u u need to be locked away

how did u get 100% on the home ec exam i have no idea

**[dumpling nose]**

every1 is so mean 2 me

**_Saturday, 22:52_ **

**_killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

terasaka n takebayashi custom emoticons 

>:o( and 8(

**[dumpling nose]**

fuck u for real

i dont look like that

**[old taco]**

8)

8/

>8)

>8(

More variations 

**[killua kinnie]**

if no one got me ik takebayashi got me can i get an amen

**[yo-yo man]**

dude give urself a nose u need to breathe

**[old taco]**

Of course how could I forget

8^)

There 8^D

**_Sunday, 03:12_ **

**_loofah → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

going 2 a 7/11 anyone want anything

**[edgar allen poe]**

at 3am?

are you ok

**[loofah]**

is anyone ok? move past it

**[old taco]**

Yeah can I get some better parents please

**[loofah]**

listen ive got like 1000 yen 

**[killua kinnie]**

blt but only the lettuce 

**[loofah]**

what the fuck

**[killua kinnie]**

do u have an issue with that

**[loofah]**

bit odd

**[dumpling nose]**

WHY R U ALL AWAKE

GO TO SLEEP

**[loofah]**

um excuse u ur also awake

**[dumpling nose]**

not by choice i got WOKEN UP

BY U GUYS

go to sleep >:(

**[killua kinnie]**

uh oh he pulled out the frowny emoticon i guess we have no choice

**[dumpling nose]**

i can smell ur sarcasm u rotten litopenaeus vannamei

**[killua kinnie]**

what the fuck is that

**[edgar allen poe]**

that’s some advanced vocabulary for you terasaka

**[loofah]**

hey itona im at 7/11 and they wont let me just buy the lettuce in the blt so do u want anything else

**[killua kinnie]**

thats so sick and twisted

whatever ill have some rice crackers iguess :(

**[dumpling nose]**

GO!!!! TO!!!! SLEEP!!!!!

dont make me come over there 

**[edgar allen poe]**

what if we  _ can’t _ sleep ever think about that?

**[dumpling nose]**

then u can dm me bc i have a bunch of resources on hand to help u guys w/ sleeping duh

**[edgar allen poe]**

wtf that’s so nice 

who are you

**[loofah]**

itona open the window ive got ur rice crackers 

**[killua kinnie]**

k

**[loofah]**

thankSFJSKDNQODKQKDOWPUUWBEBFCKNWFJ

**[edgar allen poe]**

hello?

**[dumpling nose]**

MURAMATSU???????

MURAMATSU 

MURAMATSU RESPOND

DID U DIE

**[killua kinnie]**

i opened the window which woke up yoshida + he got freaked out by the silhouette in the window not realizing it was muramatsu + threw a shoe at him + he fell

so now muramatsus dead idk i havent checked but that was a pretty big fall

**[edgar allen poe]**

lmao 

muramatsu found dead in miami

**[yo-yo man]**

GUYS GUYS GUYS U WONT BELIEVE THIS SOME GUY JUST TRIED TO BREAK INTO MY HOUSE INKNOCKED HIM DOWNBUT HOLY SHIT

**[loofah]**

i tjibk ivw broken sowmthing

**[dumpling nose]**

YOSHIDA U FUCKIBN KILLED HIM

**[yo-yo man]**

huh

WAH

MATSU IM SO SORRY I THOUGHT U WERE A SERIAL KILLER

WAIT THERE ILL COME GET U IM SORRY

**[edgar allen poe]**

matsu?????? how come he gets a nickname

**[loofah]**

im noyg oing anywhrer

**[killua kinnie]**

yea im watching him from the window

he’s writhing around on the driveway like a worm in soil

**[old taco]**

I turn off my phone for 20 minutes.

**_Sunday, 04:23_ **

**_yo-yo man → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

_ [attached_img6543.jpg] _

noodle acquired 

he didnt break anything hes ok its all good

**[killua kinnie]**

he broke my rice crackers.

**[loofah]**

thank u for ur concern itona

**[killua kinnie]**

yw

**[dumpling nose]**

good

NOW GO TO SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**[yo-yo man]**

i was asleep :(

**[killua kinnie]**

fine u fucking grandpa

**[loofah]**

ok ig im sleeping here tonight

**[yo-yo man]**

hell yea unplanned sleepover 

**_Sunday, 10:34_ **

**_Team Mom → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

There’s something wrong with you all.

**_Sunday, 13:37_ **

**_edgar allen poe → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

so i’m in the perfume aisle with itona at a store in the mall right

**[yo-yo man]**

oh is that where he went

he left just as me n muramatsu were setting up a movie marathon :(

**[edgar allen poe]**

don’t interrupt me.

as i was saying. we’re in the perfume aisle where they have those “try me” things. so you can smell the perfume before you buy it

anyway itona stared at one for a really long time and i was just about to ask what was wrong when he picked up a bottle of perfume and sprayed it directly in his face

**[yo-yo man]**

i

ok

idk what i was expecting but it wasnt that

**[dumpling nose]**

LMAO ITS WHAT THAT LITOPENAEUS VANNAMEI DESERVES

**[loofah]**

u keep saying that word what does it even mean

**[dumpling nose]**

i rly dont think thats any of ur business muramatsu 

**[loofah]**

damn ok sorry for asking 

**[edgar allen poe]**

update: he’s still coughing people are staring at us

i can’t bring him anywhere.

**[Team Mom]**

Oh no

Will he be alright? 

**[edgar allen poe]**

probably once he stops hacking up his lungs

nvm he fucking did it again

**_Sunday, 14:11_ **

**_edgar allen poe → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

he just fell in the mall fountain i literally can’t leave him on his own for two seconds

**[yo-yo man]**

HOW????

**[killua kinnie]**

i feel like a sim in a sadistic 12 year olds save file

**[loofah]**

u should get a child leash for him

**[killua kinnie]**

i wish u were a bath bomb so i could throw u in water and watch u dissolve

**_Sunday, 16:32_ **

**_killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

i walk back into yoshida’s house cold, miserable soaking wet n smelling like cheap perfume + he doesnt even acknowledge me. hes on the couch watching cars 2 with muramatsu 

my life is an edgy nightcore song from 2009

**[edgar allen poe]**

i’m so sorry

maybe we shouldn’t have left the mall

**_Sunday, 17:21_ **

**_killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

theyre watching ice age

**[yo-yo man]**

ur literally watching it with us 

dont act like ur better than us

**_Sunday, 20:57_ **

**_killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

scrat is a deity in the ice age cinematic universe. a god if u will. everything that occurs throughout the franchise is a direct reaction to his actions (an allusion to einstein) the story starts with him, and it will end with him. as if it werent clear before, the 5th installment in the series it becomes blatant that scrats behavior dictates what happens on earth and to the protagonists. yes, scrats only solid motivation is to get the nut, but his actions clearly shape what happens in the movie

if u need any more proof, the in latest movie (collision course) buck says (paraphrased) this:  _ we’re 6 minutes early! someone up there likes us! _

the phrase “someone up there” is routinely used both in real life and pop culture to refer to a godlike figure. which in this case (albeit unknowingly) is scrat

on top of this, in one of the movies scrat finds himself (with the nut) at the earths core. now despite the earths core being the hottest place on earth, a place where no ordinary squirrel should b able to survive, scrat is able to make contact with it no problem. if this werent enough, when scrat starts chasing the nut on the earths core he creates a plethora of physical geographical structures and landmarks. perhaps a reference to genesis, with how god shaped the world. hes also able to move the earths core as if it were a hamster ball - a clear indication of omnipotence 

however u could also make the argument that it is not scrat who is the god of the ice age universe - but the nut. as ive said previously while scrats actions result in what happens in the movie, but scrats primary source of motivation is the nut

scrat is chasing the nut like mortals chase divinity

**[edgar allen poe]**

hello??

i’m losing it what is this

itona. itona come back to the light this isn’t you

**[Team Mom]**

_ @loofah @yo-yo man  _ What the hell did you do to him

I just want to talk ( ◠‿◠ )

**[loofah]**

IDK HE WAS TAKING NOTES WHILE WE WERE WATCHING THE MOVIES I DIDNT KNOW HE WAS WRITING THIS DONT PIN IT ON US

**[yo-yo man]**

torn between crying and laughing its all painfully real

**[killua kinnie]**

furthermore, during the third ice age movie (dawn of the dinosaurs) there is a segment where scrat is trying to spend time with his new girlfriend (scrat with boobs). however throughout this the camera makes a point of drawing the viewers attention to the nut. lying abandoned by scrat who has forgotten abt it in the wake of his desire. not only is this an allusion to one of the seven deadly sins (lust) but it also makes us wonder. is the nut sentient? is more what we had previously believed it to be - a mere nut? this creates even more biblical allusions as it plays out remarkably like “the fall”. the nut is god. scrat is adam/eve. scrat with boobs is lucifer. 

towards the end of this segment, scrat becomes bored with his new life. he misses what he once had - the nut. he’s looking out of his window when he sees the nut and hes overcome with desire as he throws away his new life to reconcile with it. which results in the destruction of his relationship with scrat with boobs. its almost a parable

_ scrat is chasing the nut like mortals chase divinity  _

**[yo-yo man]**

“scrat with boobs” her name is scratette u poser

**[loofah]**

actually the ice age wiki calls her scratte ur both wrong

**[dumpling nose]**

what are u FUCKING TALKING ABOUT

**[old taco]**

No wait he has a point

**[dumpling nose]**

NO HE DOESNT DONT ENCOURAGE THIS

**[edgar allen poe]**

“scrat with boobs is lucifer” i’m crying there are real tears streaming down my face

**_Sunday, 21:16_ **

**_edgar allen poe → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

_ @killua kinnie  _ are you ok now

**[killua kinnie]**

dhmu much to think abt

**_Sunday, 22:43_ **

**_Team Mom → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

On a different note. If you guys got cancelled what would it be for? Just curious 

For me it would be because I eat pancakes with my hands

_ @everyone _

**[yo-yo man]**

had a crush on lightning mcqueen in fifth grade

**[old taco]**

I don’t like Naruto

**[killua kinnie]**

trick question i was never valid

**[loofah]**

legit just being a dumbass tbh

**[dumpling nose]**

i sleep w socks on

**[edgar allen poe]**

probably for the murder i committed in the summer of 98

**[Team Mom]**

Thanks guys

**[loofah]**

uh is anyone else concerned abt hazama’s or

**[edgar allen poe]**

sometimes murders are committed

life goes on.

**_Sunday, 23:06_ **

**_dumpling nose → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

ketchup is a smoothie if u think abt it

**[loofah]**

………….

**_loofah_ ** _ has removed _ **_dumpling nose_ ** _ from the group chat _

  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter of this im so sorry GHSDKSKD
> 
> this is just fun to write tbh + ive been too tired thanks to school to properly write anything so its a nice breather ig . if it feels like its all over the place that was on purpose to make it feel as chaotic as possible dont mind me hafjsksk
> 
> username guide:  
> dumpling nose - terasaka  
> killua kinnie - itona  
> edgar allen poe - hazama  
> yo-yo man - yoshida  
> loofah - muramatsu  
> Team Mom - hara  
> old taco - takebayashi

**_Monday, 15:42_ **

**_edgar allen poe → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

it’s so quiet without terasaka…

**[yo-yo man]**

ik i cant believe im saying this but i miss him n his overly strong opinions 

**[loofah]**

im sorry i just couldnt take it anymore

“ketchup is a smoothie” just what the fuck. what the fuck. who says that

i want to put him in a petri dish + study him under a microscope 

**[killua kinnie]**

it was pretty funny watching him attempt to give u the silent treatment today

like it didnt work at all but it was funny

**[edgar allen poe]**

i think it’s impossible for terasaka to give anyone the silent treatment. he just can’t shut up

**[yo-yo man]**

damn

even when hes not here he still gets insulted 💔

**[edgar allen poe]**

i didn’t say it was bad thing. always making assumptions smh

**[yo-yo man]**

well its like what koro-sensei was going on abt today when we were reading that book

insurance or smth like that

**[edgar allen poe]**

are 

are you talking about inference 

**[yo-yo man]**

eh close enough n u managed to understand me so i dont see the issue here

**[Team Mom]**

I think we should add Terasaka back, it’s only fair after all

**[loofah]**

i guess :|

but if he makes one more cursed food comment im gonna have to be restrained from kicking him again 

**_loofah_ ** _added_ **_dumpling nose_ ** _to the groupchat_

**[dumpling nose]**

FINALLY

IM BACK

**[killua kinnie]**

already w the all caps i cant do this

its like i can hear him over text 

**[yo-yo man]**

hi saka nice to see u again :)

**[edgar allen poe]**

you weren’t here for like a day

you’re acting like you’ve been gone for months 

**[dumpling nose]**

a day away from u guys is like forever 2 me

**[yo-yo man]**

bro……………

**[edgar allen poe]**

um ew never say that again

**[killua kinnie]**

📸oh yeah this ones going straight into my cringe compilation📸

**[loofah]**

WTF U LITERALLY SAW US AT SCHOOL TODAY UR SO DRAMATIC 

**[dumpling nose]**

HUH

WELL SORRY FOR TRYING 2 BE SENTIMENTAL I GUESS >:/

**[Team Mom]**

I thought it was sweet don’t worry Terasaka 

**[dumpling nose]**

:0

really?

**[Team Mom]**

Don’t make me lie twice

**[dumpling nose]**

WH

I HATE IT HERE

**[loofah]**

no u dont

**[edgar allen poe]**

no you don’t 

**[yo-yo man]**

no u dont :)

**[killua kinnie]**

no u dont lol

**[old taco]**

No you don’t 8^)

**_Monday, 17:46_ **

**_killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

do penguins have knees

**[old taco]**

Yeah

You just can’t really see them

**[killua kinnie]**

weirdos

**[dumpling nose]**

they dont have any. not anymore

**[killua kinnie]**

???????? what do u mean they dont have knees anymore

**[dumpling nose]**

…

**[killua kinnie]**

terasaka

**[loofah]**

oh my god he fuckibng stole their knees

**_Monday, 20:14_ **

**_old taco → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

Out of curiosity what are you all planning on majoring in? After junior high I mean

**[Team Mom]**

Respecting women

**[loofah]**

fuckin weed

**[edgar allen poe]**

library science

**[dumpling nose]**

im terrified that ill lock myself into an interest that ill no longer b passionate abt in a few years like all the other areas of study ive pursued over my life

**[yo-yo man]**

minecraft

**[killua kinnie]**

minecraft as well

**[old taco]**

Thank you Hazama and Hazama only

**_Monday, 21:57_ **

**_yo-yo man → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

i forgot how weird itonas instagram is

its just photos thatve been deep fried to death w cryptic captions

**[killua kinnie]**

why r u stalking my instagram 

**[yo-yo man]**

im NOT thank u i was just looking for a specific picture damn

**[killua kinnie]**

text messages that make u go hm

whatever ur instagram is boring its just pictures of u n sometimes us n ur motorcycle 

BORING

**[yo-yo man]**

yea well matsu’s my cameraman so take ur anger out on him

**[Team Mom]**

I think Hazama has the nicest instagram, I like her aesthetic 

**[edgar allen poe]**

thanks it’s the weight of my crimes 

**_Monday, 23:32_ **

**_edgar allen poe → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day. light a man on fire and he’s warm for the rest of his life.

**[dumpling nose]**

WORD

**[loofah]**

^^^^ THIS

**_Tuesday, 00:26_ **

**_old taco → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

Daily Fun Medical Fact: When you break a bone it typically heals back stronger than before

**[dumpling nose]**

so…...what ur saying is……

i should break every bone in my body until im invincible 

**[old taco]**

No

That’s not what I’m saying at all

**[killua kinnie]**

do it terasaka ill give u 500 yen

**[dumpling nose]**

give me a week

**[killua kinnie]**

deal

**[old taco]**

Dear God Why Me

**_Tuesday, 02:43_ **

**_loofah → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

YOOO

when butterflies fall in love do they feel humans in their stomach????

**[edgar allen poe]**

go the fuck to sleep

**[loofah]**

ok 😢

**_Tuesday, 03:58_ **

**_killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

feel like causing mayhem + mischief 

**_Tuesday, 04:16_ **

**_killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

nvm my blood sugar level was just low

**[edgar allen poe]**

how are you not dead yet

**[killua kinnie]**

i eat mortality for breakfast.

**[dumpling nose]**

GO TO SLEEP!!!!

**_Tuesday, 07:15_ **

**_killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

olaf

**[yo-yo man]**

u good buddy

**[killua kinnie]**

olaf

**[loofah]**

olaf?????

???????? like the snowman???

**[dumpling nose]**

itona what are u fucking talking about

**[killua kinnie]**

what do u mean like the snowman im saying olaf

its hello in spanish

yk like ¡olaf!

not sure why ur all so confused 

**[Team Mom]**

Oh no

**[edgar allen poe]**

i’m

do you mean hola???????

**[killua kinnie]**

olaf.

**[yo-yo man]**

its 7am please i cant start the day like this

**_Tuesday, 14:42_ **

**_dumpling nose → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME WE HAD A SOCIAL STUDIES QUIZ

LOVE IS A LIE 

**[yo-yo man]**

i thought u knew???????? korosensei mentioned it like 5 times last week

**[loofah]**

rip terasaka u will ge missed

**[edgar allen poe]**

ge

**[killua kinnie]**

ge

**[yo-yo man]**

ge

**[dumpling nose]**

ge

**[Team Mom]**

ge

**[old taco]**

ge

**[loofah]**

oh fuck off all of u ur all so immature actually 

**[dumpling nose]**

ANYWAY

itona can i copy ur answers for the quiz please i dont want to fail and ur desk is right next to mine

**[killua kinnie]**

u think i know anything about social studies???? bold assumption 

**[Team Mom]**

Just give it your best shot Terasaka!!! We believe in you

Also get off your phones before Koro-sensei confiscates them

**_Tuesday, 15:01_ **

**_edgar allen poe → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

_[attached_img6542.jpg]_

picture of terasaka taking the social studies quiz

**[yo-yo man]**

tag urselves im the pile of eraser shavings 

**[loofah]**

im the single tear rolling down his cheek

**[killua kinnie]**

im the broken pencil

**_Tuesday, 15:31_ **

**_dumpling nose → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

quizz DESTROYED we did it gang 💪💯

**[yo-yo man]**

sure saka whatever u want

**[edgar allen poe]**

these quizzes don’t even count as anything why do you care so much

have you been possessed 

**[dumpling nose]**

ok i see how it is i care abt academics for once n suddenly u all think ive been possessed 

**[edgar allen poe]**

yeah

i can perform an exorcism if you want

**[dumpling nose]**

ill just eat the salt like i did last time u cant get me

**_Tuesday, 17:34_ **

**_Team Mom → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

Hi _@everyone_ it would mean a lot to me if u could vote in the poll on my instagram story

Trying to prove a point ☺️

**[loofah]**

thats scary somehow how do u do it

but k

WTF

_[attached_img5413.jpg]_

how do u pronounce salmon?????????

**[Team Mom]**

That’s the one 

What did you pick? 🙂

**[edgar allen poe]**

the emoji puts me on edge

**[loofah]**

i put “sa-mun” obviously literally why would u pronounce it as anything else help me

**[Team Mom]**

Ok

Everyone else?

**[edgar allen poe]**

same as him

**[yo-yo man]**

^^^^

**[dumpling nose]**

sa-mun DUH

WHO IS PRONOUNCING IT SALL-MAN

**[old taco]**

Same as the others…

**[Team Mom]**

Thank goodness it seems like most people are choosing that!!!

**[dumpling nose]**

hara who is pronouncing it sall-man

what kind of LUNATIC 

**[loofah]**

i want to know that too like how do u even think its pronounced that way…..why would u say the L what

**[Team Mom]**

Sugaya. That’s who

I was talking to him during lunch break because our desks are near each other, and I had salmon onigiri in my lunchbox. So Sugaya was like “oh good choice I love sall-man”

And I just saw red

He’s literally the only one who thinks it’s pronounced that way. I’ve asked almost the whole class at this point

**[dumpling nose]**

SUGAYA?????

WHATTHE

**[yo-yo man]**

sall-man……….sounds like some kind of superhero…...

**[killua kinnie]**

i dont even know what a salmon is 😥

**_Tuesday, 18:07_ **

**_yo-yo man → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

hot take but terasaka and takebayashi r just buford and baljeet from p+f if u think about it

**[old taco]**

…

**[dumpling nose]**

do u ever think b4 u type

**[yo-yo man]**

SAYS U??? dont even start

**[killua kinnie]**

perry the platypus was my first idol

i wanted to b like him

**[yo-yo man]**

ty for ur contribution itona

**[killua kinnie]**

np

**_Tuesday, 18:36_ **

**_loofah → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

what if octopuses had human feet

**[killua kinnie]**

shaking and crying why would u say that whats wrong with u

**[loofah]**

#nooneunderstandsme 😞

**[yo-yo man]**

omg human feet korosensei 

**[killua kinnie]**

no

put that thing back where it came from or so help me

**[loofah]**

thank u yoshida i knew i could count on u 

YO hang on ik we were all just bashing him for how he pronounces salmon but i need to ask sugaya abt art commissions 

**[killua kinnie]**

NO

everyday u wake up n choose violence 

**_Tuesday, 18:51_ **

**_loofah → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

we got a commission bois hes workin on it as we speak

**[killua kinnie]**

i hate u.

**_Tuesday, 20:12_ **

**_dumpling nose → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

fellas is it weird to wear shoes in the shower

**[loofah]**

WH

YES????

**[yo-yo man]**

yes????? abso fucking lutely yes????

saka please dont tell me ur wearing shoes in the shower

**[killua kinnie]**

why would u wear shoes in shower what the hell is wrong with u

**[dumpling nose]**

DONT JUDGE ME I DONT KNOW WJEN I STARTED DOING IT

**[loofah]**

thats so fucked up

**[killua kinnie]**

‼️EXECUTION‼️

**[yo-yo man]**

_@edgar allen poe_ i think u might b onto something w the whole possession thing

**[edgar allen poe]**

sweet unmerciful satan what the fuck

terasaka how can you expect us not to react with horror at that

**[dumpling nose]**

NONNONO LJSTENB

THERE R BUGS N SHIT IN HTE SHOWER RIGHT

N MY SHOES PROTECT ME FROM TJEM

**[yo-yo man]**

TERASAKA NO

**[loofah]**

WH A T

**[dumpling nose]**

I DONT WAN T TO STEP ON A BUG ISTHAT SO WRONG!!!!

**[killua kinnie]**

WHY r there bugs in ur shower

u make me so SICK terasaka ryoma

**[dumpling nose]**

DO U GUYS NOT HAVE BUGS IN UR HOUSES

**[edgar allen poe]**

only my room, i have several. mainly spiders

**[loofah]**

how do u live like that

i murder every bug i see they aint getting any mercy from muramatsu the minibeast slayer

u trespass in my house i get to evict u to the afterlife thats just how it is

**[edgar allen poe]**

holy shit

**[yo-yo man]**

matsu unhinged moments

**[dumpling nose]**

thats fucked up bro

BUT ANYWAY I THINK IVE PROVED MY POINT ITS NOT THAT WEIRD

**[yo-yo man]**

NO u havent its still insane u havent proved anything

**[old taco]**

I mean...you can get special shower slippers and stuff like that

But straight up SHOES?

To think I go to maid cafes with you.

**[dumpling nose]**

WTF IS A SHO WER SLIPPER???

and WHATEVER i dont care abt maid cafes anyways 

**[old taco]**

First of all, liar

Secondly, exactly what it sounds like?? They’re SLIPPERS you wear in the SHOWER

For example if you’re going to a communal shower/bath you should probably have shower slippers…

**[edgar allen poe]**

exactly 

**[killua kinnie]**

yeah thats fair 

**[yo-yo man]**

yea. i dont wear shower slippers personally bc theyre squeaky n i always feel like im gonna slip and die while in the tub when i wear them

but yea they exist and r valid

but wearing regular shoes in the shower is NOT 

**[dumpling nose]**

BUT WHY WOULD U NEED SPECIAL SHOES WHEN NORMAL SHOES WORK JUST FINE

**[loofah]**

I DIDNT EVEN KNOW SHOWER SLIPPERS EXISTED UNTIL JUST NOW WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG W U ALL

WHY WOULD U WEAR SHOES IN THE SHOWER

**[dumpling nose]**

BC OF THE BUGS KEEP UP

**[Team Mom]**

Things are heating up in the shower fandom 

**[killua kinnie]**

NO he has a point. y NORMAL shoes??? shower shoes r fine whatever but NORMAL shoes??

**[dumpling nose]**

BC ITS MORE CONVENIENT 

**[yo-yo man]**

CONVENIENT?!?!?!???!!

**[dumpling nose]**

Y BUY SHOWER SLIPPERS WHEN THE SHOES ON MY FEET WORK JUST FINE

**[yo-yo man]**

i dont even know what to say

saka stop being cursed for one second challenge

**[edgar allen poe]**

why would you want to get your shoes wet…

you’re such an enigma terasaka

**[dumpling nose]**

WHY DOES THAT MATTER

**[loofah]**

WAIT

terasaka.

**[dumpling nose]**

muramatsu.

**[loofah]**

do u wear ur socks as well

**[dumpling nose]**

no????????? i dont wear socks

i HATE socks 

fuck socks

**[loofah]**

ok ok thats fine but still

WAIT

DOES THIS MEAN YOULL BE WALKING AROUND UR HOUSE W WET SHOES???

assuming u wear ur shoes in the house which it seems like u do. which is a conversation for another day

**[dumpling nose]**

SO WHAT ???

i dont see ur point

**[old taco]**

I can’t take this anymore

**[edgar allen poe]**

this chat is literally a debate club at this point how did this happen

**[loofah]**

i cant even be bothered to argue tbh i just hope u know uve ruined my evening terasaka

showering with shoes on who raised u

**[dumpling nose]**

WHATEVER

**[yo-yo man]**

saka are u ok

like emotionally

**[dumpling nose]**

according to my spotify wrapped my most listened to song this year was megalovania i hope this answers ur question 

**[yo-yo man]**

it actually just raises more 

**[killua kinnie]**

…......sans-saka………

**[Team Mom]**

One day I’d like to open my phone without seeing truckloads of discourse 

One day.

**[dumpling nose]**

_[attached_img11236.jpg]_

another reason i shower w shoes on

**[yo-yo man]**

is that

is that a plant???!?!?????

U HAVE A PLANT IN UR SHOWER???

this isnt normal none of this is normal

**[loofah]**

im at my limit

i can see the light at the end of the tunnel

**[dumpling nose]**

ONE: ITS MY LITTLE SISTERS PLANT U ASSHOLES

**[edgar allen poe]**

yuuka? yuuka owns a whole plant?

that thing isn’t small it’s got like. vines and shit

**[dumpling nose]**

i didnt ask where she got it from i think it was like from a raffle or smth

ANYWAY

two: bc of the plant there is soil in my showeras well as leaves. therefore it just makes sense that id wear shoes thank u for listening

the plant also attracts bugs

**[edgar allen poe]**

why don’t you just take the plant out……….

such a simple solution 

**[dumpling nose]**

bc she keeps putting it back

**[edgar allen poe]**

she what

**[dumpling nose]**

IDK ITS JUST WHENVER I TRY TO MOVE IT SHE ALWAYS PUTS IT BACK

ITHINK ITS FOR LIKE EASY WATERING OR SMTH

**[killua kinnie]**

dont think any of this is a reason to wear shoes in the shower tbh ur just making excuses 

**[dumpling nose]**

i dont need this negative energy in my life

u know what im gonna shower with my shoes on even more just to spite u guys

**[old taco]**

You’re a hazard to society 

**_Tuesday, 21:23_ **

**_edgar allen poe → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

on another note, terasaka’s questionable showering habits aside

**[dumpling nose]**

THERES NOTHING QUESTIONABLE ABT IT

i cant say anything here i cant

**[edgar allen poe]**

be silent. keep your forked tongue behind your teeth. i have not passed through fire and death to bandy crooked words with a witless worm.

anyway confession booth time 

my furby died in my arms when i was just a child

**[Team Mom]**

I’m sorry for your loss

**[edgar allen poe]**

don’t be. i have never felt more like a god

**[loofah]**

me next

ever since i was a child ive been able to read alphabet soup like fortune tellers read tea leaves 

**[dumpling nose]**

how tf do u read tea leaves there are no WORDS u fool

**[loofah]**

yall hear smth :/

**_Tuesday, 22:51_ **

**_old taco → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

Hi

…

Everyone’s bones are wet

**[yo-yo man]**

wh

why would u say that…..

**[old taco]**

No one said hi back 8^/

**_Wednesday, 00:23_ **

**_loofah → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

theyre called leggings because u put ur le

u put ur leg

theyre called leggings because

**[edgar allen poe]**

it’s ok take your time

**[loofah]**

🦵 ➡️

**_Wednesday, 04:02_ **

**_killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

time for the 4am shredded cheese 😏

_[attached_img4752.jpg]_

#wishuwerehere #livelaughlove 

**[edgar allen poe]**

itona you should audition for a role in the local theater’s production of gremlins

**[killua kinnie]**

thank u i try

**_Wednesday, 07:48_ **

**_yo-yo man → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

IS THAT WHY ALL MY CHEESE HAS BEEN DISAPPEARING

i let u stay at my house n this is the thanks i get what hte fukc

**[killua kinnie]**

We are sorry. You have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiiiii this chapter is accidentally pretty long n disorganized GSJDJSJEK sorry abt that....but in a way it adds to the chaos vibes yk. i hope its enjoyable anyways :]
> 
> also ive already posted the “i love you man” meme before on my tumblr n insta but its just so fitting i had to include it jsjdjwksk
> 
> oh also: theres a brief mention of hazamas mom, but its very quick. its just hara asking hazama abt her + hazama mentioning how she gets, but i thought id put a warning because yeah :/

**_Wednesday, 13:36_ **

**_loofah → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

_ @yo-yo man  _ where are u????? english starts in like 5 minutes

seriously it cant take this long to go to the toilet where are u

uve been gone for the whole of lunch we miss u come back to us

**[dumpling nose]**

maybe hes taking a shit

**[loofah]**

for 45 minutes???????????

**[dumpling nose]**

ive been there 

**[loofah]**

more than i wanted to know tbh

**[Team Mom]**

Why are you two texting? I can literally see you sitting next to each other

**[loofah]**

well i wasnt on here to talk to terasaka 

_ @yo-yo man  _ YOSHIDA 

_ @yo-yo man  _ YOSHI WHERE R U

**[yo-yo man]**

im stuck

**[loofah]**

ur what now

**[yo-yo man]**

IM STUCK OK

**[loofah]**

BUT WHERE???

wait

are u stuck in the toilet

**[yo-yo man]**

well not like properly in the toilet but im stuck in the stall yes

**[dumpling nose]**

LMAO THIS MANS STUCK IN THE TOILET

**[Team Mom]**

Happens to the best of us don’t worry

**[edgar allen poe]**

don’t pretend to be concerned hara i can literally see you laughing 

**[Team Mom]**

Hush

**[yo-yo man]**

NO LISTEN

theres only two toilets on the eclass campus + theyre both rly old right

**[edgar allen poe]**

yeah we know

**[loofah]**

ur stuck in the toilet i cant believe this

**[yo-yo man]**

THE LOCKS RLY OLD N BROKE ITS NOT MY FAULT

theres not even any gaps under the door or wall or anything im literally in a shed 

HELP

**[loofah]**

ok well english just started so we need a plan

_ @killua kinnie  _ itona can u cause a distraction 

**[killua kinnie]**

i guess 🦑

cant u just like tell bitch-sensei the situation tho

**[yo-yo man]**

im begging u please dont tell everyone im stuck in the toilet ill never live it down

i can already hear the names nakamura will call me please dont do that to me

**[killua kinnie]**

fine u dramatic bitch 

ill set off one of my drones or smth

**[loofah]**

ok itona will cause a distraction then me n terasaka will come + save u

**[yo-yo man]**

get my toolbox out of my bag i can use it to fix the lock. or improve it i havent decided

**[loofah]**

u carry ur toolbox in ur bag???

**[yo-yo man]**

always gotta be prepared 

anyway please hurry up it smells like piss in here i cant do this im dying

im alive but im dead

ik i shouldve just gone behind a tree or smth why do i tempt fate

**[dumpling nose]**

yeh u shouldve. i always go behind a tree personally, cant take any chances up here

**[yo-yo man]**

thanks saka

**[dumpling nose]**

np

**[loofah]**

ok we’re on our way dont move

**[yo-yo man]**

?????? well im not going anywhere am i

**_Wednesday, 14:03_ **

**_yo-yo man → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

IM FREE 

**[edgar allen poe]**

we know, we literally just watched terasaka carry you into the classroom and put you in your seat

the whole class saw that you don’t have to announce it

**[Team Mom]**

I’d say it’s impressive that Terasaka can carry him but I can do that too so he’s really not special 

So I’ll stick to laughing

**[yo-yo man]**

et tu hara???????

this world is so cold. i have no allies

**[dumpling nose]**

ur very carryable tbf

**[yo-yo man]**

???????? is that a compliment????????

what r even the qualifications for that

if anyones carryable here its itona

**[killua kinnie]**

count ur days.

**[edgar allen poe]**

carryable isn’t a word

**[dumpling nose]**

it is now 

and YEAH it is a compliment THANK U ive carried many ppl in my lifetime + ur one of the more carryable ones. u stand out. 10/10 would carry again

**[yo-yo man]**

oh ok in that case 

thank u king 👍

**[dumpling nose]**

ur welcome king 👍

**[loofah]**

mayb we shouldve been stealthier

i think everyone knows u were stuck now

**[edgar allen poe]**

i mean probably not. they have no context asides from what just happened

so you’re good

**[yo-yo man]**

im just happy to see the sun again

**[old taco]**

Why do I associate with you all.

**[Team Mom]**

Ok everyone we had a good laugh

**[yo-yo man]**

i didnt 

**[Team Mom]**

But now it’s time to get off your phones and pay attention to the lesson!!! 😊

**[loofah]**

idk why u always say that like we’ll do it 

**[edgar allen poe]**

we truly don’t deserve you hara i’m so sorry you have to put up with this chat every day

**[Team Mom]**

I can leave whenever I want, these are all just choices 

**_Wednesday, 14:17_ **

**_loofah → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

yoshida u stink of piss its distracting

**[yo-yo man]**

BRO

WTF

UNPROVOKED????

i was just trapped in a toilet stall for an hour can i please catch a break

**[killua kinnie]**

stop smelling him then??? :/ weirdo

**[loofah]**

im NOT

HE JUST USUALLY SMELLS OF MOTOR OIL N CHEAP COLOGNE SO THE CHNAGE IS DISTRACTING 

god i dont need this energy i dont 

**[yo-yo man]**

and i dont need to be told i stink of piss!!! but look where we are!!!!

whatever u smell like garlic idc. kazoo kid lookin ass

**[loofah]**

GARLIC???

**[killua kinnie]**

is that more insulting to u than the kazoo kid comment…..

**[Team Mom]**

Let’s not get hurtful

**[old taco]**

I can’t smell him so I think it’s just you  _ @loofah _

**[loofah]**

maybe ur just nose blind

**[edgar allen poe]**

well i can’t smell him either so

**[killua kinnie]**

same 🦎

**[dumpling nose]**

r u sure ur not the one who smells like piss matsu :/

**[loofah]**

oh forget it

**[yo-yo man]**

u know matsu. i was gonna come over to ur place after school to discuss our plans for starting a business together. where we sell ramen and motorcycles. ive put together a journal, i was LOOKING FORWARD to it. but now im not so sure if i even want to open a business with u. with someone who says i stink of piss

**[edgar allen poe]**

you have plans to do what

**[loofah]**

IWAS JUST MAKING AN OBSERVATION UR SO SENSITIVE 

**[yo-yo man]**

well it was UNNECESSARY 

**[loofah]**

FINE WAHTEVER

ill make it up to u. what do u want

**[yo-yo man]**

get me the latest copy of all the available motorcycle magazines + a 6 pack of monster energy after school. then ill forgive u

**[loofah]**

FINE

what flavor of monster

**[yo-yo man]**

hmmmmmm

just original…...but i wouldnt say no to the pipeline punch flavor if its there

**[loofah]**

k noted

**[killua kinnie]**

whipped :/

**[loofah]**

i dont think u know what that word means

**[edgar allen poe]**

still not over how you two have plans to open a joint-business

**[yo-yo man]**

might be had soon

**[loofah]**

IM SORRY OK 

**[yo-yo man]**

SAVE IT FOR AFTER SCHOOL U LIMP NOODLE

**[Team Mom]**

No offence but can you stop blowing up my phone. I’m trying to pay attention to Bitch-sensei here

**[yo-yo man]**

but are u rly

**[Team Mom]**

Shush

Also Muramatsu I can’t smell Yoshida either so yeah….I think it’s just you

**[loofah]**

everyones teaming up against me whats the point 

**[killua kinnie]**

u opened a can of worms now lie in it 

**[Team Mom]**

Anywayyy

**_Team Mom_ ** _ has muted the chat for  _ **_one hour_ **

**_Wednesday, 15:56_ **

**_yo-yo man → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

_ [attached_img2587.jpg] _

we’re good now if anyone was wondering 😎👍

**[edgar allen poe]**

we weren’t.

**[loofah]**

did u know he can drink a can of monster energy in under 10 seconds 

like he just fuckibgn. absorbs it

**[yo-yo man]**

im right here.

**[edgar allen poe]**

w..

what the fuck…..

i can safely say i didn’t need to know that

**[Team Mom]**

Is that Itona attacking Terasaka in the background?

**[yo-yo man]**

this aint about them

**[edgar allen poe]**

wait hang on where even are you guys

i’ve been waiting outside muramatsu’s shop for like 10 minutes now

**[loofah]**

we’re at a nearby konbini we’ll be there in a bit dw

wait i gave u spare keys didnt i??? just let urself in

**[edgar allen poe]**

damn okay sorry for wanting to be polite

**[loofah]**

apology accepted 

**_Wednesday, 16:03_ **

**_killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

hnnn

rat boy winter

**[edgar allen poe]**

i wish i could understand you

**[dumpling nose]**

i thought it was wombat winter 😒

**[killua kinnie]**

well u thought wrong 😒

**[old taco]**

I feel like I’m going to regret asking this, but are you okay?

**[killua kinnie]**

are u?

**[old taco]**

I

Huh

I guess not

Nice talk

**[killua kinnie]**

yw 🦐

we’re mere muppets, gods got his hand up all our asses 

**[old taco]**

There are no gods here. 8^)

**_Wednesday, 18:03_ **

**_old taco → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

Random yet friendly reminder that “your” and “you’re” are different things

“Your” is possessive and “you’re” is a contraction of “you are”

**[yo-yo man]**

my fiiiiire

**[loofah]**

the one

desiiiiiiire

**[yo-yo man]**

believe

when i sayyyy

**[loofah]**

I

**[yo-yo man]**

WANT

**[loofah]**

IT

**[yo-yo man]**

THAT

**[loofah]**

WAYYYYYYYYY

**[dumpling nose]**

TELL ME WHY

**[yo-yo man]**

AINT NOTHIN BUT A HEARTACHE 

**[dumpling nose]**

TELL ME WHY

**[loofah]**

AINT NOTHIN BUT A MISTAKE

**[dumpling nose]**

TELL ME WHY

**[yo-yo man]**

I NEVER WANNA HEAR U SAY

**[loofah]**

I

**[yo-yo man]**

WANT

**[loofah]**

IT

**[yo-yo man]**

THAT

**[dumpling nose]**

WAAAAAAYYYYYY

**[old taco]**

You have no idea how close I am to blocking you all.

**_Wednesday, 18:24_ **

**_killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

they wont stop singing shitty boy band songs 😞

**[old taco]**

I’m so sorry, I feel partly responsible for that

**[edgar allen poe]**

_ [attached_vid2583.mov] _

help us 

**[Team Mom]**

Oh dear

**[dumpling nose]**

OI

posion by soramachi takashi is NOT a SHITTY BOY BAND SONG!!!! its our go to karaoke song THANK U VERY MUCH!!!

**[loofah]**

get their asses

**[yo-yo man]**

u tell em saka

**[killua kinnie]**

oh cry me a table it still makes me want stuff my head in a pillow case 

**_Wednesday, 20:31_ **

**_edgar allen poe → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

when i get murdered i want you all to make sure they never find the culprit

**[old taco]**

...Why?

**[edgar allen poe]**

i want to be on buzzfeed unsolved

**[Team Mom]**

Hi yeah can we go back to the “when I get murdered” part 😃

**[edgar allen poe]**

it’ll happen.

trust me. it’ll happen

**[old taco]**

I think if any of us were to be murdered it would be either Muramatsu or Terasaka personally.

**[edgar allen poe]**

you seem awfully sure about that

**[old taco]**

Well, am I wrong?

**[edgar allen poe]**

i didn’t say that. i think you’re right, they definitely have that...vibe to them

they’d be the first to die in a horror movie too. especially muramatsu, terasaka is at least freakishly strong, but what has matsu got going for him? exactly 

**[Team Mom]**

I wouldn’t be so sure, us cooks are plenty handy with knives 😊

**[edgar allen poe]**

uh 

something you want to tell us hara?

**[Team Mom]**

Haha

Anyway 

**[old taco]**

(´･_･`)

**[Team Mom]**

Should we really be discussing this? They can read it u know….

**[edgar allen poe]**

it’s fine, i’m with them rn. they’re playing super mario bros with yoshida and itona

they won’t be checking the chat anytime soon

**[Team Mom]**

Oh ok then

Wait is it alright for u to stay with them this late? With your mom and everything

**[edgar allen poe]**

eh i’ll be heading back soon

besides i literally have sleepovers with them every saturday, she gets pissy about it but i can deal (and it’s worth it). i just lock myself in my room when i get back, she doesn’t dare go in there….not with all the curses and spiders

**[Team Mom]**

Ok….

Feel free to dm me if u need anything though, ok?

**[edgar allen poe]**

yeah thank you 🕷

anyway

i think if we were in a horror movie the death order would go like this: muramatsu -> terasaka -> takebayashi (sorry no hard feelings)

**[old taco]**

No I get it, I’m surprised you didn’t put me first.

**[edgar allen poe]**

you literally carry bombs on your person at all times, no man who does that can die first

after that it gets harder. i think the rest of us would manage to escape

think about it, we have two tech experts, someone (me) who lives and breathes horror, and hara sumire. need i say more?

**[old taco]**

Nope, you made your point and stood by it. Kudos

**[Team Mom]**

Awww thank you 😊 I’m flattered

**[edgar allen poe]**

you’re welcome

also while we’re on this subject…..i think we should all go ghost hunting at some point….or explore somewhere haunted….i think it could be fun 

**[Team Mom]**

Oooo

That 100% seems like it’ll end badly but it does sound quite fun…..

**[old taco]**

I’m up for it, ghosts don’t exist after all.

**[edgar allen poe]**

i wouldn’t be so sure about that maid boy

**[Team Mom]**

Should we wait til the others are online to discuss it further?

**[edgar allen poe]**

hm i guess

random but what’s your favorite horror movie?

**[old taco]**

What’s with all this horror talk

**[edgar allen poe]**

answer the question kowalski

**[Team Mom]**

Ooo that’s a tough question!! I don’t watch horror all that much, but Saw is a classic right?

**[edgar allen poe]**

yeah sure

takebayashi what about you?

**[old taco]**

Well probably High School Musical if I had to choose

**[edgar allen poe]**

i beg your fucking pardon

**[old taco]**

You see, after watching it I spent the rest of elementary school living in fear that one day the whole school would just burst into song and I would be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics

**[Team Mom]**

You poor thing

**[edgar allen poe]**

that’s just fucking tragic 

**[old taco]**

Story of my life

**_Wednesday, 21:32_ **

**_loofah → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

call out post for horibe itona he didnt free me when i was stuck in a bubble on super mario bros (wii)

**[killua kinnie]**

oh get over urself

u kept on dying i thought itd be better if u stayed in there 🦐

**[edgar allen poe]**

you’re still playing even after we all left? commitment i guess

**[yo-yo man]**

i didnt leave 

**[edgar allen poe]**

oh right 

still can’t believe you’re planning to start a business together, that journal looked pretty damn full too

**[yo-yo man]**

*naruto voice* believe it!!!

**[killua kinnie]**

_ @edgar allen poe  _ imean im staying at his place tonight so we might as well continue playing

**[edgar allen poe]**

fair enough

**[old taco]**

Itona if you don’t mind me asking

How do you decide where you stay? Do you have a rota or something?

**[killua kinnie]**

idk just depends how i feel

i get passed around terasaka yoshida n muramatsus homes like a joint

but im hesitant to stay at saka’s house since learning he showers w/ shoes on 😐 first he ran out of moringa caramel now this

**[dumpling nose]**

WTF ITS NOT THAT WEIRD FOR THE LAST TIME!!!!

AND thats bc i usually only get those snacks for YUUKA so OBVIOUSLY they ran out quickly when someone else was eatin them too

**[killua kinnie]**

sure :/

**[edgar allen poe]**

actually while you’re all here

_ @Team Mom _

i’ve been thinking we should go explore somewhere supposedly haunted, i know a few places and i’ve been meaning to look into them

i just think it could be fun

**[yo-yo man]**

that rlly depends what ur definition of fun is

**[loofah]**

do u mean like buzzfeed unsolved style?? im interested 

**[yo-yo man]**

HUH

UR SCARED OF COCKROACHES WHY WOILD U WANT TO GO LOOKING FOR GHOSTS???

**[loofah]**

GHOSTS N COCKROACHES R VERY DIFFERENT!!!!! 

**[killua kinnie]**

yeh id be up for that

might fuck around n get cursed

**[edgar allen poe]**

that’s the spirit

terasaka you have to come because you’re our shield, bodyguard if you will. you have to protect us

**[dumpling nose]**

sure ive got nothin better to do might as well disturb some potentially cursed souls

**[edgar allen poe]**

so we’re all in agreement? how does sunday evening sound?

**[Team Mom]**

I can do that!!! 

**[killua kinnie]**

yup 🦐

**[loofah]**

kk

**[dumpling nose]**

aight

**[old taco]**

Yes, I’ll admit I’ll be impressed if you can convince me ghosts are real

**[edgar allen poe]**

bet

_ @yo-yo man  _ come on yoshida take one for the team

**[yo-yo man]**

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

yea ok fine. sundays good

**[edgar allen poe]**

then it’s settled. prepare yourselves for sunday, read up on spirits and all that….

**[old taco]**

Ominous 

**_Thursday, 15:56_ **

**_edgar allen poe → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

so transparent how you’ll talk about murder once and suddenly you’re making everyone “uncomfortable” and are viewed as a “danger to others”. our generation is so sensitive, like we’re literally training to be assassins grow the fuck up 

**[yo-yo man]**

i just thi..

i just think it was a weird thing to bring up during home ec…..

**_Thursday, 17:32_ **

**_dumpling nose → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

do ppl rlly have shower thoughts???? my mind is a void in the shower except for “wash ass”

**[killua kinnie]**

yeah that checks out 🦀

**[loofah]**

we dont need to know any more abt ur shower habits ty terasaka 

**_Thursday, 17:51_ **

**_killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

every time i move my bones crack like glowsticks

**[yo-yo man]**

and everytime we kiss i swear i could fly 🙌

**[loofah]**

👏 cant u feel my heart beat fast 👏

**[yo-yo man]**

I WANT THIS TO LAST 🗣

**[loofah]**

NEED U BY MY SIIIIIIIIIIIDE 🗣

**[killua kinnie]**

i was actually gonna say “so i think im entitled to bioluminescence” but u know what nvm 🦭

**_Thursday, 18:23_ **

**_yo-yo man → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

do u ever wonder why terasaka is so buff? like hes so muscular 

he has ABS

**[dumpling nose]**

i only work out so im strong enough to give piggybacks to anyone n everyone who needs them. all day everyday the grind never stops 💪

**[yo-yo man]**

well ty for ur service bro

**[dumpling nose]**

yw bro

if u ever want/need a piggyback u know who to call

**_Thursday, 19:03_ **

**_loofah → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

_ [attached_img6109.jpg] _

anyone know what movie this is???

**[yo-yo man]**

i love you man

**[loofah]**

i love u too dude but seriously whats the movie called???

**[yo-yo man]**

I LOVE YOU MAN

**[loofah]**

I LOVE U TOO BRO

**[yo-yo man]**

oh forget it

**[loofah]**

?????????? WELL WHAT DO U WANT ME TOSAY

**[edgar allen poe]**

what a poetic mix of sweet and tragic

**_Thursday, 19:38_ **

**_Team Mom → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

Hey does anyone here play Animal Crossing?

**[loofah]**

yea

**[dumpling nose]**

fuck yeah

**[yo-yo man]**

ofc

**[Team Mom]**

Well Ik u do Yoshida 

But that’s great!!!! Do any of u have peaches in your village by any chance?

**[loofah]**

i do!!! i have all the fruits

not to brag….but i have over 700 hours in my game….

**[dumpling nose]**

yet ur town is shit

**[loofah]**

HEY

**[dumpling nose]**

NO SERIOUSLY 

HOW do u have that many hours bc it sure doesnt look that way!!!

**[loofah]**

i like fishing 😖

**[Team Mom]**

Great!! Can I come to your village and get some?

**[loofah]**

sure

**[Team Mom]**

Ok

Your 3ds friend code. Hand it over 🤲

**[loofah]**

ok ok ok ok hang on 

_ [attached_img6110.jpg] _

**[Team Mom]**

Thank u!!

What are your turnip prices?

**[loofah]**

uhhhh

110 bells per turnip

**[Team Mom]**

NO WAY

**[dumpling nose]**

GET THE FUCK RIGHT OUT

**[yo-yo man]**

BRO SERIOUSLY???

**[loofah]**

yeAH

**[yo-yo man]**

k im coming over too open ur gates rn

**[dumpling nose]**

^^^^^^

**[loofah]**

k hang on im gonna make a separate chat for animal crossing stuff

**[Team Mom]**

Good idea!! We don’t want to flood this chat after all

**[loofah]**

how does the name “blathers bitches” sound

**[Team Mom]**

Um 😃

**[yo-yo man]**

…...

**[dumpling nose]**

fucking awful 

**[loofah]**

so thats a yes!!!

**[killua kinnie]**

thisis a completely foreign language

what are u on about

“turnip prices”???? what

**[old taco]**

You and me both… 

**_Thursday, 22:42_ **

**_edgar allen poe → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

if you found out you only had one day left to live what would you do?

**[loofah]**

r u asking for advice or is it like a hypothetical question 

**[edgar allen poe]**

what do you think

**[Team Mom]**

Say goodbye to and spend time with my loved ones

**[dumpling nose]**

idk smth illegal probably 

yolo

**[old taco]**

Accept my fate.

**[killua kinnie]**

id text 10 people n say that if they dont forward it to 10 other people i would die tomorrow

**[yo-yo man]**

holy fuck

**[dumpling nose]**

wait can i change my answer

**[edgar allen poe]**

no. itona wins

**_Friday, 07:34_ **

**_Team Mom → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

I’m bringing poptarts in today btw!! For those who said they’ve never had them

**[killua kinnie]**

thank u 🦐

**[edgar allen poe]**

you’re an angel hara 

**[dumpling nose]**

i can be ur angel…..or yuor devil

**[edgar allen poe]**

wow way to ruin the moment 

**_Friday, 17:47_ **

**_yo-yo man → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

_ [attached_img2004.jpg] _

we’re at the gardening center 😎👍

**[old taco]**

Is Itona eating a cactus…

**[killua kinnie]**

tästie

**[edgar allen poe]**

we’ve been here for almost an hour i want to die

**[yo-yo man]**

u can leave if u want 😔

**[edgar allen poe]**

no i fucking can’t

**[dumpling nose]**

well we’d be able to leave if muRAMATSU ACTUALLY PICKED A FUCKING PLANT!!!

**[loofah]**

U CANT RUSH THESE THINGS!!!

it has to be perfect. ur all gonna be parents u know

**[dumpling nose]**

its a PLANT!!!

**[killua kinnie]**

saka how high do u think u could throw a plant pot

**[dumpling nose]**

idk like really fucking high why

**[killua kinnie]**

k bc ive got a bunch of them in the cactus aisle

**[dumpling nose]**

im on my way

**_Friday, 18:04_ **

**_loofah → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

HOLG SHITHE HD HEHFBSJDJ

**_Friday, 18:23_ **

**_edgar allen poe → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

so we got kicked out

**[Team Mom]**

I—

HOW?

**[yo-yo man]**

saka smashed a hole through the roof with a plant pot 😐

**[dumpling nose]**

IM SO SORRY IM SORURY I DONT KNOW MU OWN STREBGTH

**[edgar allen poe]**

we can’t go anywhere how many places are we banned from now??

**[yo-yo man]**

like at least 15

**[loofah]**

i didnt even get my plant 😰

**[killua kinnie]**

i think the trip was a success 🦐

**_Friday, 20:29_ **

**_killua kinnie → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

strawberry milk doesnt taste like strawberry but it sure as hell tastes like pink 

**[loofah]**

tea

**[killua kinnie]**

its literally milk 😐

**_Friday, 23:59_ **

**_loofah → me n the bois eatin shitty ramen at 3am_ **

yk ive been kinda shaken recently by thoughts that plague my mind

**[edgar allen poe]**

this chat is not your personal diary

**[loofah]**

i wasnt FINISHED YET

ahem

one argument weve had that haunts me to this day is the great soup debate

**[dumpling nose]**

soup is a drink cry abt it

**[loofah]**

that wasnt AN INVITATION 

ahem

and it prompted other, more disturbing, topics to enter my sea of consciousness 

like…...is the ocean….soup???

**[killua kinnie]**

what in the whole shit

**[dumpling nose]**

HUH

SO DO U THINK SOUP IS A DRINK OR NOT???

**[loofah]**

soup IS NOT A DRINK im not budging on that

im just saying its smth ive been thinking about!!!!! i never said i AGREE with it!!!!

**[dumpling nose]**

hm suspicious 

well if u want my opinion: the ocean is soup. case closed. end of discussion 

**[loofah]**

……

**[killua kinnie]**

🦦…...

**[yo-yo man]**

hm! dont know about that one bro!

**[edgar allen poe]**

i agree, what are you on about terasaka?

**[dumpling nose]**

are u saying the ocean……*isnt* a soup?

**[killua kinnie]**

yes.

**[loofah]**

i…..

u know what just forget i said anything i shouldve known smth like this would happen

muramatsu is outmatsu

**[dumpling nose]**

i think u will find the ocean has all the necessary components of a soup

**[edgar allen poe]**

those being……?

**[dumpling nose]**

those being: broth, meat, n vegetables

**[killua kinnie]**

vegetables??? are u sure

please tell me what vegetables r in the ocean id love to know

**[dumpling nose]**

uh seaweed. duh

**[yo-yo man]**

SEAWEED??!

**[dumpling nose]**

ramen can be served with various types of seaweed, and ramen is soup. ergo the ocean is soup

isnt that right…….

MURAMATSU?!

**[killua kinnie]**

hes staring at his phone shaking with pure rage rn just thought id let u know

**[dumpling nose]**

tch cant face the truth. typical ramen chef

**[yo-yo man]**

SEAWEED ISNT A VEGETABLE??

**[dumpling nose]**

YES IT LITERALLY IS??

ur embarrassing urself yoshi

**[yo-yo man]**

just bc its green n can be served w/ stuff like ramen doesnt make it a vegetable 

plant sure but not a vegetable 

**[dumpling nose]**

nope its a vegetable 

the definition of vegetable is just “a plant or part of a plant used as food”

SEAWEED IS A VEGETABLE 

**[yo-yo man]**

fine sure ok whatever 

im leaving this to u guys 

**[edgar allen poe]**

okay so let’s say seaweed is a vegetable, still can you really call the ocean water broth?

**[dumpling nose]**

yup

the definition of broth is “liquid made by cooking bones, meat, or fish slowly in water”

fish live in the ocean, and ocean water is still water. am i wrong??

**[loofah]**

OCEAN WATER ISNT BEING COOKED!

AND SOUP MUST BE SERVED HOT! NO CUSTOMER WANTS COLD SOUP!

**[edgar allen poe]**

oh you’re back that didn’t last long

**[loofah]**

i started this. i should end it. its my duty

**[dumpling nose]**

THERES NO LAW SAYING SOJP MUST BE HOT!!!

**[loofah]**

IT MUST BE COOKED GOING OFF THE DEFINITION  **_YOU_ ** PROVIDED!

AND WHEN U COOK STUFF……..

IT GETS HOT!

**[dumpling nose]**

OK THE FUCK IS THE SUN THEN???? THE SUN COOKS IT

GLOBAL WARMING N SHIT

AND SOUP DOESNT HAVE TO BE HOT!!!

**[edgar allen poe]**

“global warming n shit”

**[loofah]**

BUT COLD SOUP IS FUCKIBHG GROSS!!!

**[dumpling nose]**

I AGREE!!! BUT THE TEMPERATURE OF THE SOUP DOES NOT DISCARD IT FROM BEING A SOUP!!!

for example, i think avocados r fukcing disgusting but that doesnt make em any less a vegetable 

**[Team Mom]**

Oh!! That’s because avocados are actually fruits!! Hope this helps 😊

Ok bye bye <3

**[edgar allen poe]**

hara materializing to correct terasaka and dipping again. i aspire to be like her

**[killua kinnie]**

u can if u want. dont let ur dreams be dreams

**[dumpling nose]**

OK WHATEVER my point still stands

**[loofah]**

yeah

yeah ok thats true

**[dumpling nose]**

then i think we have a verdict. THE OCEAN IS SOUP!!

**[old taco]**

The Ocean has live fauna in it though…

You wouldn’t eat a soup with live animals in it.

**[killua kinnie]**

wouldnt i?

**[edgar allen poe]**

who’s side are you even on?

**[killua kinnie]**

im merely a bystander 🐌

its funny to watch how matsu angrily types his replies 

**[dumpling nose]**

ONCE AGAIN  _ @old taco _ JUST BC U WOULDNT EAT IT DOESNT MAKE IT NOT A SOUP!!

**[old taco]**

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Going back to my anime now

**[dumpling nose]**

k

what are u watching??

**[old taco]**

I’ll tell you in our DMs

**[dumpling nose]**

thanks man

**[old taco]**

No problem 8^)

**[killua kinnie]**

wtf

**[dumpling nose]**

is there a fucking problem??

**[loofah]**

YES

HOW WOILD U EVEN EAT IT??? NO SPOON IS BIG ENOUGH FOR THE OCEAN!!!

**[dumpling nose]**

OH WERE STILL TALKING ABT THIS??? JUST MAKE A BIGGER FUCKEN SPOON!!

**[loofah]**

BUT THEN ITD BE TOO BIG FOR ANY HUMAN TO USE!!!

**[dumpling nose]**

FINE

USE A NORMAL SPOON N PROVIDE SMALLER SERVING SIZES

**[loofah]**

WHATEVER OCEAN WATER IS GROSS ANYWAY! NAME ONE PERSON WHO ENJOYS IT! ILL WAIT!

**[dumpling nose]**

ONCE AGAIN

JUST BC ITS GROSS DOESNT. MEAN. IT. CANT. BE. CONSUMED

OCEAN = SOUP

END OF DISCUSSION!!!!

**[loofah]**

fine…...fine…..u win….the oce

**[dumpling nose]**

yes?

**[loofah]**

the ocean is s

**[dumpling nose]**

go on.

**[loofah]**

the ocean is soup…..

**[dumpling nose]**

too fucking right it is

**[killua kinnie]**

_ [attached_img875.jpg] _

u broke him

**[Team Mom]**

I think we should ban any topics that could potentially cause discourse

Or just ban the word “soup” in general 

**[loofah]**

im sorry i never meant for this to happen i just wanted to share my thoughts

**[Team Mom]**

The damage has been done

**[yo-yo man]**

*touches the ground* something terrible happened here…..

**[Team Mom]**

We should ban those roleplay asterisk things too! Great suggestion Yoshida they never end well

**[yo-yo man]**

WH

**[edgar allen poe]**

you know terasaka, you’re a surprisingly good debater. you’re arguments are presented in a way that makes them convincing

it might be the capslock

**[dumpling nose]**

hey im smart too dont underestimate me

**[yo-yo man]**

i once watched u eat a marshmallow when it was still on fire 

**[dumpling nose]**

and u got stuck in a toilet stall the other day. check urself yoshida taisei

**[old taco]**

This conversation felt like it was a year long

**[killua kinnie]**

i mean what did we expect rly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ill probably make the ghost hunting thing a oneshot when it comes to it....idk i think it could b fun HSJDJSJK


End file.
